Monthly Archives: November 2012

How I said it… How you heard it! :)

When ever we say something, there is usually some emotion associated with it.
For example – our statements could be happy, sad, full of excitement, resentment or fear.
Our words could be mischievous, loving, harsh, rude, gentle, informative or blunt.
We could make a point directly or indirectly.

And at times, we may talk by remaining silent! 🙂

In order for our message to not get garbled or misunderstood, it is important for the other person to understand the emotion behind the dialogue also.

When we meet new people, we take time to understand their ways of talking, expressing, appreciating, denying or arguing. If we are able to build bridges and not walls, we become friends! However, if the message is interpreted in a wrong way, a lot of time and effort goes into correcting it.

The lower our ego levels are and the more accepting we are of any situation, the easier it is to understand other people.

Once, you understand what they are saying and why they are saying it – what is the motto behind the conversation – things become clearer.

Let’s take an example. There are two people who are very hardworking. They are working on the same project and want it to be successful. Every time they talk about a process improvement on the project, there can be agreement or discord. However, as long as the purpose is clear, they can reach a conclusion. They can brainstorm ideas and discuss the pros and cons.
Once the ego barrier is broken, the purpose is clear in the minds of all people and things move further.

Incomplete or Unending Conversations exist, when there is no conclusion and no radical decision can be reached ‘together’ by all counterparts.

There are hundreds of books written on communicating effectively. And, all of them have many things in common. If it’s important for a speaker to share his thought with the exact emotion, it is also the job of the listener to interpret it with the same exact emotion.

Communication is a two way street and if it’s purposeful, it can get a lot of work done magically!

There is a famous hindi quote by a very famous writer, Kabir: (English translation follows!)

ऐसी वाणी बोलिए, मन का आपा खोय |
औरन को शीतल करे, आपहु शीतल होय ||
Speak in words so sweet, that fill the heart with joy
Like a cool breeze in summer, for others and self to enjoy.
 
You may now think, “How I said it and how you heard it!” 🙂 .. Have fun! 😉

Each day…

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Each day is a new beginning, an opportunity to restart your life, in a different way!

It’s an opportunity for us to recharge ourselves with new hopes, new aspirations, new dreams, new targets and prepare for new challenges.

Below are some of the things we can do, before starting a new day afresh:

  • Forget about the previous day. (At least the non important/non relevant parts)
  • Look at the calendar and plan well for the new day. (Meetings, people, goals)
  • Take one small step towards achieving our dream.
  • In case we don’t have a dream, then take a step towards dreaming a dream.
  • Promise to live boldly and freely, in spite of any tough circumstances and/or people.
  • Recognize, acknowledge and plan to improve our own weaknesses.
  • Forgive people and get rid of all grudges from yesterday.
  • Forgive yourself.
  • Appreciate yourself for being ‘you’.
  • Work harder, even if it is not acknowledged or appreciated. (Acceptance is not always available)
  • Do not get disgruntled by failure at all.
  • Thank life and god for what we have got so far!

It’s really simple if ‘all of the above’ becomes a practice. It becomes extremely tough if these habits are not a part of our routine.

I heard that ‘Each moment is a gift and that’s why we call is present’.
….So, let’s be ready to start a new day and a new life, each day!

Maturity of mind… Maturity of Soul

Just thought of penning down some thoughts about maturity today. It’s not that I think, I am mature enough to write about ‘Maturity’. I just believe that I can write something sensible today based on my experiences. 🙂

It’s funny how as kids, we long to grow up into adults. We long to go to college, meet new people, have fun. We believe that growing up is fun. It’s funnier how after becoming adults, we long to be kids again and go back to our precious old childhood days!

At every stage of life, we think we are more mature than what we were an year ago. We also run into new experiences everyday and realize there’s still so much to learn!

Here are some generic definitions of maturity:

When someone can take care of his physical and emotional well being.
When someone can support his family.
When someone gets a job.
When someone is not disheartened easily and is strong enough to handle life’s struggles.
When someone can distinguish between good and bad.
When someone knows how to behave in public.
When someone can judge life situations….
Or when someone realizes that there is no end to this list of definitions….
Or when someone realizes that there is always something left to learn…
Or when someone realizes it’s ok to be yourself sometimes…
Or when someone realizes its important to unwind in life…
…..Or when someone realizes he’d like to relive his life just one more time… in a completely different way!
Alright, We are back to square one.

Maturity can be found in the eyes of a wife, whose husband is going to fight a war. It can also be seen in the tears of a child who gives away his favorite toy to his closest friend. It can also be seen in the heart of a girl, who decides to walk away from someone she loved and it can be seen in the hope of a parent who prays for his child’s recovery.

Maturity is nothing big. It’s just believing that there may be even bigger things ahead in life!
Maturity may even be defined as, knowing when to hurt someone and when not to hurt someone. It’s sometimes too much to handle and sometimes, it’s just not enough!

Let’s not try to be mature all the time. Let’s just be willing to learn from our mistakes and more importantly forgive ourselves, soon after committing those mistakes.

Let’s not judge or critique ourselves or others on the maturity scale but rather spend time living every moment, every experience, every mistake, every achievement and every struggle of life.

Let’s not spend time comparing….who’s more sensible, who’s more mature, who’s more intelligent….Let’s just live and let live….each person in his own sensible/silly way! …

Lets just live as enlightened souls who are ready to be enlightened even more! I think we all are mature! 😉

Destiny….Things not in our control….

Some things are not in our control…. no matter how hard we try… someone else’s intervention is required in order to achieve/complete them.

For instance, an interview: We can not interview our own self and get selected for a job. Someone else has to test our abilities.

A match: We can not win a match against our own self. We have to play against some one else.

We are dependent on other people at several instances through out our life. Maybe that’s what is called destiny…maybe that’s what is not in ‘our control’.

These times make us feel helpless. We think, what more can we do to change things? How can we somehow make the situation better? Nothing works. Even prayers don’t seem to work.

We can not control who we meet in our lives. We are destined to meet some people and destined not to meet many others.

Every person is a lesson and some lessons are repeat telecasts too! Until we learn each lesson well.

We try not to worry during these times but since mind is a wanderer, it wanders and worries.

There is a famous dialogue from a movie: “In life, you will always see two paths. One easy and the other difficult. The easy one will give you a lot of happiness initially, but in the end you will lose. The difficult path will test you, strain you, but in the end you will win.”

It’s important not to give up. One should not give up on himself and on his destiny. When one door closes, another opens up. The delay may seem challenging but everything works out in the end… if it is destined to work.

When things are not in your control, let them flow….let them go by….Just wait for the right moment.

Imagine ….you want to cross a road and there is heavy traffic. There is no way you can control the traffic. You have to ‘wait’ for the traffic to stop for the red signal …and then you can cross the road. Then the path will be clear….right in front of your eyes.

Wait for that moment…. Just wait….

In the worst case scenario, when you are stuck in a locked room…..Knock on each door that you see, look out through each window….keep knocking, keep looking, keep trying….Do not judge any opportunity…Do not judge yourself….. If you are destined to live, breathe and be successful, you will be.

Do not give up on your destiny and your life, until destiny gives up on you and your life.

Some things are not in our control and we need not be in their control.

Hey….How are you?

It’s a well known fact that man is a social animal. Everyone wants to have friends and people who care for him/her. We all like to party, chat and spend some good time with friends. Where does this need come from?

Are we not capable enough to live all by ourselves?

We can never live as solitary entities as we are dependent on each other for our needs. That’s what societies are for!

It’s not just important to be surrounded by people, it’s also important to be surrounded by those who value your individuality. It’s important to meet people who give you good vibes and spread positive energy around you. It’s great if you can count on at least three people in life who value ‘you’.

Do you ever analyze what you feel when you meet different sets of people? Do you feel energized after they leave or do you feel tired? Do you feel the party was too long or too short? Did the time spent give you some encouragement or did it bring down your morale?

Think. We can not choose our family but we can choose our friends. In every moment that you spend with some one else, you give away a part of your life that you can never get back. You share precious moments of your life.

A lot of people who live alone or in solitude get into depression. Many diseases are caused when some one secludes himself from the rest of the world.  I read that loneliness may lead to heart diseases also.

How much importance do you give to networking and interaction? Are you hesitant to introduce yourself to strangers? If so, why? What can they possibly take away from you? If you are cautious enough, you can judge people and have light heart conversations with people you meet in elevators, on the road, in training and seminars, in voluntary sessions and so on!

When someone appreciates us, we always feel good! How often do you appreciate others? I read that if an employee appreciates his/her co workers, it displays his professional courtesy and spreads good vibes!

Go out and explore the world….analyze the vibes that you get…Do not seclude yourself. Learn from every interaction, choose your interactions and continue learning!

Start with a small step…. “Hey, how are you?”

If you don’t get what you want…..

If you don’t get what you want….it’s quite possible you may not want what you get.

Here’s a small example – When you go to the market to buy a table cloth but buy a table runner instead, since the table cloth was not available, it is quite possible you may not ‘want’ the table runner later down the line.

Similarly, in life, if you don’t get what you want… you may later not ‘want’ what you get. That is why it becomes so essential to know what you want and then get it.

Once you are sure of your wants, goals, desires and are certain about them, you settle for nothing less.

Imagine at the end of life, if someone asks you, “Did you get all/most of what you wanted from life?” , what will be your answer? What will be your answer to this question today?

Clarity of thought is very essential as it defines your goals, your path in life. If you are unsure of what you want, you can very easily oscillate towards something else.

How many people in this world actually pursue the career they want to pursue? How many people follow their passion?
They may still be happy and wealthy with what ever they have, but is it what they really wanted?

I read recently that ‘Instead of focusing on your to do list, focus on your to be list’. What do you ‘want’ to be?

Once you are sure, pursue it so hard that you do not settle for anything less.

If YOU don’t get what you want, YOU may not want what you get. Create your life.

Secrets….

I read an article on hindu religion which talked about the 5 secrets of life:

1) Birth – How the soul takes a form – the time of birth, place of birth and who shall have a child?
2) Death – This remains a mystery all throughout….
3) Fame – Which work shall bring fame? and which work shall bring shame?
4) Nature – The forces of nature remain a mystery…..
5) Mantra(Hymns) – What are the effects of reciting mantras?

Let’s talk about fame a little bit as it is mainly related to Karma.

There are some good people who are always righteous. These people are considerate towards other people’s feelings and actions. They base their decisions on fair judgement…. YET… they sometimes face criticism by people around them. Righteous people may not always be successful and they may even be tricked by other people into wrong doings.

Does this mean one should not be righteous?

Consider the opposite set of people, who indulge in hypocrisy, injustice and non righteousness. YET they become powerful, famous, successful and are also respected by people around them.

How do you differentiate between these sets of people and the fruits of their actions? Is there any rule book or criteria clearly defined? Who can take such decisions? Who can judge us?

Is it ok to be truthful and be a failure? or should one be a liar if it can make him successful?

Fame comes and goes. Similarly power is very momentary…

What remains permanent in this world (to some extent) are the consequences of one’s actions. And consequences may be different for the doer and the people impacted. It is possible that the doer benefits in the process, even though the other people around him are negatively impacted.
Should the doer still perform an action considering his own personal good? Can he be a little selfish? Is his action recorded anywhere?

Will these secrets ever reveal themselves? How can one achieve a balance between self love and selfless love?

In the Bhagavad Gita (A hindu religious book), god says, “Do not focus on the fruits/ outcomes of your action” – They may be good or bad. Just focus on the action…..For what seems good today, may turn out to be bad later and what seems very bad today, may turn out to be a blessing in disguise….

That is the mystery and that shall remain a secret….probably forever and ever….

Pamper yourself… you’re worth it!

At least one weekend out of a few weekends, take a good break and pamper yourself. Just seclude yourself from the rest of the world and take care of your body and your thoughts.

Your body serves you throughout your life. How much time do you spend giving it the essential nutrients? When did you last sit next to a pool with a book in your hand or took a bubble bath? When did you lie down on a beach? When did you last look at the stars?

Once we develop a good relationship with ourselves and our mind, it responds to us better. If our body is happy and relaxed, we can feel our blood circulation. Every heart beat is more resonant and rhythmic. We understand our feelings and emotions better. We feel happy that we are alive.

Everyone needs such weekends to relax, calm down and live each breath.

No matter how wealthy you may be, if your mind and body are not happy, you are unhealthy!

I believe that once you have a stable job and are content with your career, it’s important to also focus on your health. The meaning, value, level and definition of contentment varies for different people but it is essential to be content at some point in life.

Because if you are not content… you will always be running behind something….and you will never get a chance to relish what you already have.

Pampering yourself is being content with yourself for that moment and being thankful for this life.

I read that when ever you are angry or upset, close your eyes and imagine still water… calm, clear and peaceful. Imagine that you’re sitting next to a lake and try to live that dream in your mind.

Life is too short and before you realize its worth… it just moves on…

Take out time…pamper yourself……love yourself….. You’re truly worth it!

Believe….

Tradition, faith, love, hope, trust, justice, integrity, God….!…. If you believe in them, they exist. If you don’t believe in them, they don’t.

Many things in life can not be quantified or measured. They are either there or not there. Even if you try to measure them, you are only left with confusions.

This further emphasizes the importance of belief. If you believe in someone and maintain that relationship, it eventually becomes the most important relationship.

If you believe in yourself, you build a strong relationship with yourself too.

I come from a country(India) where a lot of traditions are followed. In fact, there are more traditions than the number of people in that country. Everyone believes in something or the other. But the more important thing is ‘everyone believes’. Hence, relationships, marriages, friendships are stronger. I value our tradition and every other tradition in the world because it just leads to the same thing… ‘belief’.

Tradition may hold a lot of meaning for someone and no meaning for another person. It is what you believe in and what you respect. Similarly, love and trust can not be quantified or measured. Either it is there or not there. Some people do not believe in marriage. Some don’t even believe in love…. They still survive with what ‘they believe in’.

I read that our brain is 70% water. Since water can take any shape or form, imagine the water in your brain taking different shapes or forms based on your beliefs and how that could change. Nothing that I could prove scientifically, but just a thought!

You create yourself with your beliefs. You become what you believe in.

What do you believe in? 🙂