Tag Archives: friends

People who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind….

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Every time I feel I’ve grown up and can now handle relationships better…. life presents some new lessons to learn and some new observations for me to take note of! (in an absolutely new way)

Long time ago I read that, “You can not be successful in life, unless you contribute to the society through your work”. Man is a social being. Even during the stone age, when trading started, you could only get some thing, if you exchanged it for some thing else in return.

Let’s consider a hawker or a vendor —– he tries to sell things to earn a living and to get some financial profit —- however, he is also indirectly benefiting others in the process – by fulfilling their needs.

Now consider a vendor who gets up in the morning, opens his store and starts giving out everything for free.
Everyday he wakes up and does the same thing……He will soon go bankrupt.
And even then…. there is no guarantee that people will come back and help him. After all it was his own decision to give out things for free…

The vendor has to care for himself and his family to avoid getting bankrupt. He has to open his store, sell things at a profit, occasionally give out deals for free and earn a living…… In the process, he benefits others as well.

So, you can not benefit yourself without benefiting others AND you can not benefit others without benefiting yourself. It’s a two way relationship.

Now the question is…. whom do you serve for free and whom do you serve for a price or a purpose? 

If you have only one shirt that you want to give away …..and you have two friends who need that shirt, whom would you choose?
U will have to choose one no matter what.

Does that make you less worthy in the eyes of the other friend? Does that mean the other person will no longer remain your friend?

And what if the friend to whom you gave the shirt, actually betrays you. Did giving him the shirt really make him stay….in spite of all you did for him? —- NO

People who want to stay – WILL stay….no matter whether you do something for them or not.

People who don’t want to stay – WILL not stay….no matter what so ever you do for them.

Count your friends…your blessings…the people who really care for u…in spite of the fact that you don’t do a whole lot for them. They are just by your side always.

These people wouldn’t mind the annoying things you do and would stick by your side. (Even if you do nothing for them)

People who mind… especially when you are unable to give them something in return….are probably with you for a purpose. And as soon as the purpose will be over, they will be gone…..forever.

People who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

Are you really valuing the people who matter and who are with you unconditionally?

Personal, Professional, Social

There was a time when our personal lives were truly personal. We never declared to others whom we were meeting, what we were doing on an everyday basis, where we were going etc…. and then we had a professional life which was very formal and goal oriented…We were working to get money to fulfill the needs of the family….We also had a social life…where meeting others at social gatherings was not a necessity but a change from normal routine.

Today….

We do a lot of social meetings online or via social channels…
Our professional life seems to be incomplete without participating in social channels…
and our personal life is painted in various colors by others on social channels….(through likes, comments etc etc…)

Are we setting the right boundaries and limits for these three aspects of life?

Are we really in the need of getting constant affirmation from everyone about our interests and activities?

How do we cope up with the ever increasing demands of building a personal, professional and social brand?

Does it increase our productivity?

These are questions to ask ourselves…. No one should and can set these limits for us. We should define our life – and our personal boundaries…

How hard is it to spend a day without interacting on social media?

It’s not a bad thing to do…as long as your goals are not taking a back seat.

The world is very result-oriented. They look at ‘What has someone achieved?’ and not ‘How he achieved it?’… 

So, if someone can spend 20 hours on social media and still achieve milestones in life….he/she will be praised.

It’s for you to define the ‘time limits’, the ‘topics’ and the ‘friends and people’ in your life.

The day you can do that….you have overcome the pressures of social media and built your own very personal brand.~ That isolates?/identifies? you from the rest of the crowd.

Life gets busy….People get busier….!

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It’s amazing how life keeps getting busier day by day. We no longer have time to pursue our hobbies, meet our friends, bask in the sun, listen to the twittering of the birds, watch the sunset, feel the breeze….or just relax…!

Who’s responsible for making our life busier? Why can’t we take out time like we used to? Where are those days gone? Are we overburdened with responsibilities and to do lists?

Right since the time, a child is born, he gets busy doing something or the other.

As per the Bhagavad Gita, (a hindu scripture), there is not even one moment when a living being can stay idle – even breathing is a form of work.~~ ‘Being’ is work.

I watch ~ as life gets busy and people get busier. I play some relaxing music on the internet – nature’s sounds – because I don’t have time to hear the real sounds. I am too busy for that.

I think about what I am missing, how can I get it back, but it’s too far in the clouds – the moments with my family when I was a child, the fun and laughter of childhood, going to school – attendance register, lunch breaks, classrooms, college….it’s all gone! ~ Forever….

Even now, friends keep coming and going in my life. Thankfully, I have a life partner who shares the joys and sorrows with me.

Social life is not very social these days. I hear about happy hours a lot.~ I don’t drink, so I don’t really know how happy those hours are!?! 🙂 I once went out with some friends. who asked me why I don’t drink ~ I said, “I am always high on life anyway, so I don’t need drinks” 😉

I realize ~ I am being forced to become more and more practical with everyday realities of life. I can not entertain guests all the time. I can not find time for friends because I have my own chores to take care of. I am busy.

I don’t want to get so busy and the only way I can feel less busy is~  if I do what I love. So…. “I write”. ~ It makes me talk through my thoughts and I feel relaxed. I feel I have met a friend, to whom I narrated my story. A virtual friend.

When you feel really really busy, with no time to meet anyone at all, “do what you love”. It will make you feel good. It will make you feel alive. (for some brief moments at least)

Try to feel blessed. (amidst the confusions, office work, politics, social responsibilities, family chores, work pressures and everything else…..)

Feel alive by doing what you love. Life will always get busier. Get busy doing what makes you feel ALIVE.

Build new relationships, do not break existing ones!

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Man is a social animal. He has to interact with the fellow human beings during various stages of life.

It all starts with school friends, college people, then moves onto office colleagues, family friends, competitors and so on. How many times have you felt the pangs of jealousy in these relationships? How did you handle that? Have you ever felt less worthy or less compatible with the people around you?

An important yet unspoken fact is that: it’s important to get along with everyone in this world~ ‘Get along’ is the keyword here. It does not mean you have to be the best buddies or the worst enemies. You just have to be at peace with everyone. Probably, that is how this entire world was structured.

The state of ‘being at peace’ in all relationships can be achieved by talking through, keeping quiet or actively listening as per the various situations.

When you go to a new place, a new school for instance, there might already be some relationships existing among the people. When you make your space in that new zone, it is important to ensure you are not affecting any existing friendships negatively. This requires a lot of patience.

To make things clearer, you do not have to be ‘nice’ or ‘friendly’ with everyone. You do not have to put others before you, unless absolutely necessary. You just need to: ‘Understand’ that everyone is living his own life journey and you may never know what he may be going through.

Someone asked a question yesterday: “If you had to be a brick on the wall, where would you be?”

Some people said: “At the foundation”, some said “At the top”

There is no perfect answer, but here’s my opinion: Trying to fit in at the foundation might lead to breaking the whole wall and rebuilding it. Trying to get in the middle might shake some of the already existing pieces. Being at the top level or any other ‘available’ space, without moving any other pieces, will make the wall rise, become taller and stronger. (without shaking any of the already existing elements). ‘Trying to stay at the top all the time’ may require a lot of rework and shifting, when any new bricks are added.

So, here’s something for all of us to think about! ~Make your place in the existing wall and keep it strong. Make your own special space.

When you build new relationships, do not break the existing ones.

One journey ends…and another begins….

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Life is a journey. When you travel from one place to another, do you remember the ‘start and end points’ OR ‘the things in between’?

Sometimes we even forget, how ‘it’ started or when ‘it’ ended…. All we remember is… It happened sometime and we had fun! We remember the beautiful moments in between.

When one journey ends, another one begins that very moment.
It is important to value each journey and understand that journeys are fun when they are full of surprises! (Some good and some not so good)

Journeys have the power to create memories. Journeys teach us a lot of things.

It is important to enjoy each journey and it is also important to disconnect from it and connect to a new one, when the time comes.

We may remember the people we meet during these journeys. Many of them could be strangers, some of them friends and some of them acquaintances.

The lady in the cafetaria, the librarian, the store keeper, the teacher, the student… these may be our co-travellers in the journey.

We don’t even know for how long, we will know them or stay in touch with them. However, we can remain in their memories since we share the same journey. These memories stay alive even when the journey is over.

Down the line, they may think about us and say, “Oh! I have met him/her before! and he was…….(cute/funny/sad/happy/angry/furious/nice…)”

We are not related to all the people we meet, but we do travel together for a period of time.

I read somewhere that “We are all traveling towards the future at the rate of 60 minutes per hour!” and we all need to make the most of every minute.

It is important to mark each journey with smiles, laughter, fun, joy and giggles. These emotions shall later transform into memories and stay with our co-travellers! That’s how they may remember us and we may remember them.

Are you ready for your next journey? How are you planning to enjoy with your co-travellers? Are you ready to create happy memories?

When one journey ends, another begins. That’s life.

Roles…..

I’ve read that “people play roles in our lives”. At one time, I used to strongly believe in this. Probably when I was in school or college, I believed that people played roles in my life. Somehow, I don’t believe in it now.

I feel, “we” choose who we want to have in our life and we ourselves decide the role they are going to play.

We sometimes don’t let people play the role they want to play. At other times, we even meet people who don’t essentially play any roles in our lives.

As life moves on, we are required to transition to the practical side of life. (Bills, Grocery, work , family needs, money) It becomes necessary to deal with these things. No matter how hard you try to run away from them. We lose touch with friends. Everyone moves on, doing their own chores.

How does the role play fit in our life then? Are these temporary roles? People who used to very important at one point of time, may not be so important today. How do we measure the importance of a role? Is it the number of times we talk to them, call them, miss them? Is it the effect they have on our lives? Or is it the fact that there presence is crucial to our life (At a certain point in time)

“Roles”….this word held a lot of meaning for me at one point. Today, it doesn’t.

Today, I identify with only one role. The role that I have played in my life. The paths that I have taken at various points in life. The role that I would like to play in my life in future.

I believe in God and Destiny. I don’t know if god writes our “roles” or gives us the choice to write our role ourselves. I don’t know if he checks like a movie director, “Would he/she be comfortable with the role I am giving him/her?”

Sometimes, we don’t even know what impact our role will have on other people’s lives. Its not transparent. Its hidden. The only thing we can be sure of knowing is: What role did I play in my life and how it impacted me?

Experiment with roles….give yourself the role of an artist, a teacher, a musician, a lover, a singer, a sports person, a partner, a parent, a child, a philosopher….. See which role you fit in best…and then PLAY THAT ROLE! Since you play that best, it will have maximum impact on your life and other people’s lives. That’s all you can and should identify with.

You don’t have to play every role perfectly. But try to play at least one role perfectly. All roles that you play may be small roles but they ultimately do add to the bigger picture.

Don’t worry about who/what else is impacted by your role. As long as you know you are playing the best role you can! That makes your life worth it!… That role WILL surely make you happy.